This is my confidence

I so NEEDED this song today. Fighting discouragement over something that looks like an impossible (not in my lifetime) situation has had me holding my breath for weeks.

Listening to this song (about six times in a row now), I turned my lights off and silenced everything around me as I sang this over and over to God. Grinding its message deeper and deeper into my heart and spirit.

I know His faithfulness, I have seen it over and over in my life these past few years. I’ve seen Him move mountains.

Therefore – I KNOW HE WILL DO IT AGAIN!

Tonight I realized – it is not at all about my healing – I don’t care about that. What I care for and desire goes so much deeper than this physical body could ever take me. I just want to be in HIS presence. Deep in worship, pouring my heart out to Him; never giving up on Him. He has never given up on me.

You may think I’m crazy, but I’m going to say this in all honesty – I don’t care if I ever get healed, or if I end up spending the rest of this life in a wheelchair. As long as I can sit in His presence and pour out my heart in worship to Him – that is all I care about.

I can’t thank you enough Cheryl, for sharing this video on your Facebook page.          Love you, my friend. 

Whose Opinion Am I Listening To?

I know this isn’t your typical love story… sorry.

But hey… Happy Valentine’s Day anyway.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:27

My sheep hear my voiceWhen my ex-husband decided I was of no more value to him, he told me to pack it up and leave. Which really wasn’t that hard for me to do, considering that for over fourteen years I had been praying to God to let me leave. I would tell God, “Father, it’s obvious that he does not want me here.” But each time I discussed it with Him, I knew in my heart He did not want me to just go jumping out into the darkness of this life hoping for something better. So, I stayed.

Many people would confront me and rage at me for not leaving. My husband’s own family stepped away from him because of the way he had treated me, yet I stayed. Most people, especially women of the church would not accept my commitment to stay based on the fact that ‘I knew’ God was telling me not to leave. And sadly they often turned their backs and stomped the so-called dust off their feet of me. They would usually tell me that they could not believe God wanted me to stay in an abusive situation like that; that I was in error and indeed not hearing from God.

At times I wanted to feel isolated, or that I was alone in my mess, yet God would not allow me the privilege of throwing that one-girl pity party. Was I not going to believe Him? That He would never leave me or forsake me? Did I really want to run to – them – instead of Him? Whose voice did I really want to hear from – I had a choice. Thankfully, I chose to turn and listen to Him. That’s always proved the best option for my life.

During this time, I would often think about the Israelites and how they must have felt, crying out for God to rescue them. Four hundred years they waited for Him to set them free. Four hundred years before they would hear His voice [through Moses] saying “Let My people go!” And I knew that if they could survive that long before they received their answer, I could wait it out a few more days.

I knew God loved me and that He was protecting me. My ex-husband never physically hit me. He did raise his hand to me once, but then after his brother picked him up off the floor, and after he caught his breath – he decided that verbal was as close as he wanted to get to me. I warned him that I may not be able to combat him verbally, but if he ever lay a hand on me, everybody in the State of Texas would know about it, and it would not turn out very pretty on his end. So verbal it was for over fourteen years.

I thought surely that since we had been married for so long things would turn around and our marriage would become the thing God meant it to be. That we would both be in heavenly bliss serving God together for the remainder of our lives. But sadly that did not happen. My husband and I were on entirely different thought paths. I was believing God for things to change for the better, but all he wanted was the money I brought in to fund his lifestyle. I earned an annual six-digit income which he banked for over fourteen years. He was living high on the hog, and I was his hog.

After he told me to pack it up, God at that same second spoke to me, “Go now.” I was almost giddy inside. Here I was in the middle of my ex’s rampage, tossed out into the street, no money, no transportation and nowhere to go; but yet I knew that when God spoke that ‘one’ phrase into my spirit, all those things didn’t matter. I had received His permission.

That happened on January 10th, 2011, I moved out the next day. My husband and I divorced in June of that same year. When we divorced, everyone, including his family, advised me not to let him get it all [two houses, property, jet skis, my Harley, a deep-sea cabin cutty, racing boats, and much more]. I was entitled, I deserved, and I had a right to all that was there. Daily I would have someone remind me of what was in store for me. Including spousal support. After weeks of listening to the voices of the people, I knew I had to hear the only viewpoint I longed to know.

I went to the bedroom I was staying in at a friend’s home; standing in the middle of it I went over the details of all what was shared with me by others, then I asked God what He thought. What did He think I should do? He told me they were correct; I was entitled, I did have a right, and I did deserve all that that kingdom had to offer. Instantly I got a glimpse of a mountain just off to my left. As I looked at it, seeing its snow-topped cloud covered view, I knew the value of it. But then in my spirt, I heard God ask, “Do you want what that has to offer, or what I have to offer?” I immediately turned towards His voice and the mountain I saw instantly vaporized into thin air.

I had made my choice, I wanted what He had to offer. He made me a promise by saying to me, “Take no thought, for I will tend to you.” I can tell you, I’m still working on my part of that equation, but He has never let me down. His promises are real, and He will not leave me or forsake me just because I’m a goof-ball at times [well most of the time]. All He expects of me is to keep taking Him at His word and to keep moving forward in all this. Trust Him today and keep believing Him for a better tomorrow. Has it been hard at times? Yes. Have I stress at times? More than once or twice. But no matter, He has always been faithful to His promise.

I don’t know what your situation is, or what you have experienced in this life. If you’re still in a place of captivity, or if you are out on your own and trying to figure out how to make it all work. Know this – we can’t make it on our own. We need God’s guidance in all that we do from one breathe to the next. The voices of this life will throw us off course and keep us in a whirling stressed out messed up way of life. Learn to trust God. Learn to hear His voice over that of the crowd, and learn how to follow His lead. He will never let you down.

I know.

I love how He loves me. He is my true Love.  There could be no one greater.

Know that I’m praying for you, my friend.

Be blessed and be encouraged.

When Our Heart Condemns Us…

I wish I had done things differently, but I didn’t, and nothing I can do will ever change the past or my actions.

This morning before I got out of bed, I reached for my Bible; I read the whole book of 1st John.

Yep, that’s right – five whole chapters and I did it without coffee.

What a great book.

I especially liked the part where it says, “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and knows all things.” 1 John 3:20

My heart has condemned me for so many things and has kept me in bondage over things I can never change. I wish I had done things differently, but I didn’t, and nothing I can do will ever change the past or my actions.

God was so good to share this verse with me; in particular on this morning.

As my day started, I had to prepare to go have [yet another] MRI of my brain done with/without contrast. Meaning I would be trapped inside a machine for the better part of an hour to an hour and a half. Nothing to read, nothing to watch, nothing to listen to [other than the loud banging of the machine].

An hour of laying absolutely still and… me and my thoughts. Not a good combo.

I am grateful to God for preparing me for what could have been an incredibly deflating moment for me. Lying there the thoughts and images peeked out to begin their assault, I could feel my heart grip, but immediately I heard, “God is Greater!” then all was quiet. Two or three times thoughts or images tried to slip by, but God’s words came to my rescue. God is greater. I began to slip into a sense of peace so much so that the attendant thought I was sleeping. Ha!

I love God. He is my hero. My knight in shining armor. He always comes to my rescue, (especially when I let Him). 🙂

Now I know that God is greater than the pain of what has been in my heart concerning those things I did and can never change; therefore, I have a defense against the accuser now when he tries to hold me hostage over past regrets.

GOD IS GREATER!

Thanks be to God, my Father, who is greater!